My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
