Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
