i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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