90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I fill condoms, not promises.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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