When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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