Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
