The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
