First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think i have herpe
just one?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
