On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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