I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
