just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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