My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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