my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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