So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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