I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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