Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
