watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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