my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
