My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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