I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
