it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
