I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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