1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
