: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
