I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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