I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No subtext here. People are naked.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
