I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
