After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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