update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need a burrito and a hug.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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