remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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