Dual....:-)
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
