Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
