I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
