How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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