He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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