It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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