Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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