They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize