Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
