ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
