I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
