watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
