They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
