This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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