we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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