Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
