Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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