if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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