hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
