i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
