Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize