My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
