Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
