She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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