I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
