i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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