New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
