I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
