I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
