He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
