Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I puked a lego.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
