I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
