Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
