I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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