i just wanna soil my oats bro
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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