she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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