why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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