You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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