He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
