Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
